Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I believe in your delicious
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
