Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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