I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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