I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
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