maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
