Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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