Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
