Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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