Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize