I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
You ate ashes out of my bong
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize