i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
