My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
