Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Randomize
