I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
