I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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