3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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