so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
