finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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