There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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