I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize