just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
