i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
