Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
