Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
