TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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