you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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