She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Just pee around me
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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