He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
