I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
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