You're completely useless in the revolution.
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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