Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
