Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Randomize
