a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
