Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
