if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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