Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
babies were throwing up all over the place
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
