Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I want a musical about memes.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
