considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
