Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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