His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
