I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
