I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
