After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
He keeps bees of course he's weird
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
