so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
