The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize