Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
