Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
FUCK WHALES
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
