I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
If its not for food we ain't going out.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
