once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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