Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize