So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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