so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I need water and some morals
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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