They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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