Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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