I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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