I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
