He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
