oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize