So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
and she was petting her beer can
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
