At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Randomize
