Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
okay pat passed out under dana's car
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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