Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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