It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
