alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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