I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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