My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
