I want to walk on stilts...naked
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
