People in love make me want to vomit
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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