a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Randomize
