I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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