your thong is hanging out like whoa
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
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