If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
