Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
