I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
