I feel great
I just peed on a car
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Never underestimate the power of titties
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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