Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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