the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
