look no pants
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
