She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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