Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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