Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
