Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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