I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Randomize
