it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
