How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize