I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
