can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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