Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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