could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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