with your own penis?
Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
