Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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