Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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