im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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