Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
