Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
All the doctor said was why
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
