why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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