I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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