the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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